people are always scared of losing what they have gained isnt it
eg? of course there are plenty
when ppl get married
wives naturally will become more possesive
because they are scared of losing what they have finally achieved "a husband"
when ppl get rich, they become more worried of losing their new found wealth
what will they do?
they want to get richer
there's no limit for them on how rich they can get
thats human nature i guess
isnt it?

we always say "i'll be really really happy if i get to my goals"
but once you get there
you'll realised things arent so simple
once u have reached whr u aimed to
u'll find out that actually thats not enough, and you're obviously not getting the "really really happy feeling" that you thought you'll get.
that place u've reached arent secure enough to allow you to lead a 'happy life'
then what? you'll continue to work towards another goal

well im not saying that have goals in mind isnt good
but isnt it nice to once in awhile allow yourself to wander around aimlessly
maybe you'll discover sth unexpected accidentaly!
hahash
back to my belief that somethings are just meant to be lik that
you'll never noe what will happen in the future =P

i've been thinking for many days
i've thought really hard
what do i want to do with my life
what do i want to be
what are the consequences i have to consider

and i could only come up with a few
i want to give back to society, considering how much it has given me all these years
that point me towards public service! haha but.. not necessary
i never thought being in the public service is the only way i can contribute
i want a job that i like, well everybody could say that but i'm sure less than 10% achieved that eventually
i want a job that allow me to interact with people
i want a job that allow me to see the world
i want a job that can inspire others

lols so many wants
but nevertheless
i shall nt think too much for now
focus on doing well now
the rest shall wait.

ohya
and i wan to end off with a dream that i hope to achieve in the future!
XD
i was on the bus today
daydreaming as usual, haha
and i decided
I WANT TO HAVE MY WEDDING PHOTOS TAKEN IN PARIS
that shall be my 'childhood dream'
that i'll make it true in the future
it was such a nice dream
many beautiful flashback i had of paris jus now
omg i can already imagine its gg to be damm romantic

im gg to live in the the same hotel
awwww
but
as a practical person
i've consider alot as well
in order for this dream to come true
got 2 possibility
first, i've to marry a rich guy
second, i'm rich myself
haha

and this brings me to my next point
wow never ending sia lols
ok
guys
i had a very good impression on the male species in general for my generation
lol too naive liao
i've always thought, if a guy is nice to you or likes you
he really does mean it, without ban dian fake-ness
ya and i carried this misconception till the age of 17
dumb i noe

nvm
wait, im not over generalising
i'm completely aware that out there some where
there is still a few of you 有真心的 ^^

but recently im jus so disappointed in you males
some of you are just so superficial
come on
looks
ppl can all look the same after gg under the knife or sth
but
what really is different
what really matter is deep down inside

i don't know how you can openly criticise about a girl's appearance
your appearance is something you inherited from your parents
its a gift of some sort
i dun think anybody has the right to make fun of it
before you actually do that
didnt you even consider what if others do that to you?
you arent perfect looking yourself isnt it?

seriously thats childishness immaturity insensitivity you're displaying
and im mad about this
im mad when things lik that happen
im mad when male treat female as sth inferior to them

which is why i've also decided
im gg to learn judo
im not gg to be inferior
and i never thought men are any better than women
haha no matter hw i can imagine my perfect future husband can be
nt that i lack confidence in him
just that better to be prepared rather than suffer when it actually happens
ppl does change.

and then
(i did a lot of reflection today, thats why i've got lots to say)
i realised that there are 2 different type of guys i've met
one of which is all say no action
another is no talk but all shown in his actions

ask me which of the 2 i prefer?
haha none.
but i'll rather have the latter.

words of love
anybody with a tougue can do it
the difference is that whether you wan or not
whether one is responsible enough to even consider if he can live up to what he had said or not
before blurting them all out without actually meaning it

actions of love
ive to agree
its harder than words of love
it req deeper and sincere love one has for another to actually put serious effort to it and do it
this is true
words can lie and has no meaning
but action tells all

words of love, though it gives u instant happiness but it won't last right
actions, though you have to wait for it, their occurence wont be as frequent
but they are certainly worth the wait, because when guys actually spend time to do sth for you, instead of just making empty promises, they really mean it
and this is the type of guys you'll want

actually i dun really know what to say
anw thats a very bad way to start a post
grr nvm
start:

after typing an entire para of hw boring the day had been i decided to delete it of
anyway
today was a good day for michelle
why
'cus she passed her H3 ct2
WOW
just rewarded myself fr eating *alot* just now
feeling guilty now =<
my 17 rounds the track gone soon
hahah
back to topic
H3 i passed and guess wad?
i think im gg to fail my H2 instead >.<
lol shall not comment

NOW, i want to talk about sth really important to me
my beloved bottle
let me tell u its life story
4 yrs ago, mdmXU (p.s.mymum) presented michelle with the bottle and instructed her to keep this bottle safe and sound and never lose it
(well cus its expensive and blahblah=.=)
lol looking at the uncountable times she lost it( but it had always miraculously come back to her)
so faithful lol >.<
MdmXu decided not to let michelle hav it anymore
=( awww
so 4 yrs later (now, a few mths ago)
michelle took the bottle out and used it, promising tt she will nt lose it ever agn
but,
from the start of the yr, she had lost it a total of more than 5 times. >.<
the last time she lost it was a week ago
it was really sad
she thought it will be gone, away from her, forever
she searched the entire sch for it, mourned for many days
and...
just now, a few hrs ago...
the bottle, came back for her again, miraculously!
she cant believe her eyes

ok enuff of third person, so tiring hahas
super happy that ive found my bottle
shall promise to keep it in sight every moment hahas

lol i sound lik an unsound girl with a strange love fr her bottle
haha
>.<
im nt ok
bye^^

Univeral studio

yea

i was really excited about though i'm not really a big fan about rides hahas

that place was totally unexpected

its like another place out of singapore

okay moving on..

yea as ususal

i was hungry before even starting to play

we had 30 bucks complementary food tix each for the entire day woots^^ the main reason im excited too >.<>

so i told myself to bear with it wait fr lunch

my first ride

at The Lost World, the dinosaur theme park

lols

i thought it was just some viewing ride, you know those tree top ride or sth (cus there was lots of trees around)

and it turned out to be those jerky, tilting coaster ride type i was lik -.- ouch

but nt too bad la still can take it

=D

wanted to go for the water ride, but decided to keep it fr later >.<

okay hmm next : Sci-fict city

i experienced a "hurricane" in some cinema thing

quite cool too

lots of rain and fire and loud sound effects of building crashing thundering and surprise jerks :/

but cool XD

still gt... cant really rmb

i went for the Shrek 4D movie

walao...

gt one part freak me out

one scene many spiders "dropped" and i felt hairy things brushed my legs

eww><

but well thats the point isnt it

it felt real

hahas roller coaster

thats the highlight isnt it

hahas after that ride i totally cui diao

some mummy ride

had to walked a long way in

and the way made me worried even more

cus it was cold, dark and .. kong bu jiu dui liao

hmm

it was really an emotional roller coaster ride

srsly

just that the ride started for me before i got on the train

hahaha

1) while waiting, i was getting more and more worried

2) when i got on the seat, the feeling of immense regret hit me

3) during the ride, i was =.=( i-wanna-get-off-now)

4) lastly, when the ride was over i felt weak with happiness ^^

emotional ride right? =D

i tot singapore rides gg be chicken feet de lol

but it proved me wrong

我错了:'<

haha

after that i was feeling giddy and hen xiang tu liao

yupps and i went fr a number of shows and movies musicals

really gt standard one leh haha

haha

but a good day spent there

food were nice but $$

ahhaha

i felt the laps i swam ytd one by one washed down the toilet bowl, with every bite of my burger at "new york city"

luckily i persisted through my 20 laps ytd

(alright, im bragging here abit, cus tai you cheng jiu gan le ^^)

alrights, shall end here

bt because thats all

universal studio mei you so cui la

still gt lots to say and describe just that michelle's memory is failing her right now

cus of that ride im still nt thinking right

maybe my brain is upside down now, lols

hahas tmr chem ct2 hw arh zzz

haven started revising =(

hehe

all in all

universal studio was a really great place

really well done-d

michelle's family and her 真的玩到好开心 =)

if u know where you want to be, no matter which route u took, you will end up where u meant to be.
haha
makes total sense
i'm not going to let myself face the same thing next yr
yonghao makes sense, michelle now=/=michelle then
i'll work harder

didn't mean to 散开 or to be mean
its my first instinct to do that
old habit
carnt helped being cold too
because i really dunno hw to go back to what it was like
~~~

shouldnt have started the post with this
depressing
but i feel sorry ><
well when i should still be angry
so 矛盾la

nevermind forget about it
its history
and i dun take history

today is really the turn for my week
really happy today ^^
was dreading H3 for the entire day
it was SPA
budden guess wad
the machine broke down and end up we did nth
but i damm happy=D
cus everybody damm funny
jus sketching the graph, most of the time spent on deciding the axis units
super =.=

wushu was super got cheng jiu gan today
even more happy ^^
den after that was pizza hut
shujie treat me drink
wa my happy meter hit records high le fr the week
super happy der ^^ ^^

michelle you should focus more about the happy things in life
instead of those which makes you unhappy
laugh aso guo yi tian
cry aso guo yi tian
logically you will want to laugh through it right
so michelle is super duper happy now in relative to the past few days
nobody cn spoil her mood =D

but sometimes just sometimes, i can't stand feeling alone, i'm so selfish

indeed a very very bad week for michelle
mon plain boring and terrible
tues stunned and depressed by h3 CT1 and know y
wed still depressed, speech day audition made my mood worse
thurs bad hair day, pissed off. missed 2 86 in a row how dumb
fri only looking forward to bathing with wt after wushu
i mean she bath in her own cubicle and me in my own*

but but
but
i believe i wont stay at the minimum of my graph for long!
because my life is a sinusoidal graph
plenty of ups and downs
but i'll soon get over it

ivle DC was a pleasant surprise, 9 out of 10
^^
first thing to make me got cheng jiu gan fr this week
wahahah see hw pathetic this week had been
but its better than nth right?
michelle must hao hao jia you wor! dont disappoint yourself
enough is enough
you've got better things to think about
though its hard
but tell yourself come on its just a few more months
hahas it will be over soon
persist persist persist

i guess i'm too mean to you

i finally realised or should i say admit this:
the more you understand a person
the more you need to learn to accept him
well there is still a limit for this acceptance

the first time girl meets boy
the first impression formed may be great, wonderful
oh he's the one!
and that impression will last for very long
unless he really did sth v wrong

that first impression made you want to know him more
but the more you know
the more doubts you have about him
the first impression starts to shake

and perhaps at a point of time, totally collapse
well at least this tells you that the person is a real bastard

haha
but the truth is the more u know abt sb the more flaws you'll find about him or her
agree?
and you'll really need to have a certain capacity to accept him
as a friend or sth more.

well this explains why quick-fix dating/ marriage doesn't work.
the more the wife know about the husband
or the other way round
the more the wife may have doubts about the decision to get married
the feeling of "regretting" accumulate
one fine day husband says sth wrong
and tada
divorce

both sides need time
to understand one and other before settling down
if both are able to accept each other flaws
well
congrats
if you carn, no point forcing yourself
wont work anyway

~~~
ok back to michelle boring life
its a sunday
end of my-long-awaited-but-turned-out-sucky-weekend
woow great
im starting to love sarcasm^^
the entire day
i shall accentuate "the-entire-day" i've spent it on h3 chem spectrometry
and im still not done with it
but hopefully this effort will pay off on tues
im really praying hard now

tmr is mon lalala
carn wait fr econs tutorial
hope it'll fulfilling enough
the rest i shall try my best to absorb as much as possible
well i will
no
i must.

"good better best, never let it rest, till your good is better, your better is best"
shall be my slogan for the next few days
michelle go! hahah

tyty yixiu for asking ^^aww man =D
tyty yonghao for the encouragement
you and your unique method of trying-to-sound-like-you're-worse-than-me
hahas but it kind of work anyway ><
朋友们 jyjy too!

need some place to rant
dun wan to include this in my dairy will spoil it
ong not onlineT.T
so im left with here
D: garrw
im just ultimate pissed off today
the whole day spectro chem dc and chem eqm
fuck seriously damm no life
went cousin hse fr dinner
and its steamboat agn
was expecting sth fun to end the day on a good note
but came home even more pissed
snapped at mum and sis
now still stuck with DC
oh man
saturday night with DC gaawd how roomantiicc
im gg mad
tues h3 chem CT1
and now im still more than 60% sure i will fail it
and i still gt so many tutorials to do
probability ionic blabla
so many extra practices un touched
grrr

and y am i still here complaining
michelle seriously you are disappointing
you know what you want but you are still not getting your butt off to go get it
waiting to see it fly pass you
and then regret
and regret
bt still not doing anything about it
come on
you are not like this
you hate this kind of attitude
having the ability but wasting it
17 years have gone by
if u still dun get up and make full use of it
in a blink of eyes you'll be 71 and regretting

is this wat u want
obviously no.

come on, you know you arent like that

wow i feel better now,
this works man!
the-scolding-yourself-therapy
okay
lets go ~~DC DC DC

I'm tired really drained
not physically but mentally

common tests are all coming up
and i feel super not prepared
h3 test next tues and i still carn get my tutorials right
but shall persist!
thats what michelle is good at right? :)
and yh says he believe i can do it
so i shall jian chi dao di
at least i tried my best and leave no regrets right? =)
thats what that matters to me

michelle need to buck up jy
cny celebration over
she need to pay more attention in classes and work harder!
nth is more impt than doing well
but she needs to be happy too
she needs plenty of breaks and then work hard and smart
many things in life to look forward to!

stop being depressed over minor stuffs ok?
ok.

It's Valentines day!
a day of giving
spent the whole night wrapping and drawing
but im very happy

it feels really good to giv out presents to your friends XD
a day u can show them hw much u appreciate their friendship

i've successfully kept the record of having 18 "single" valentines days
damm happy der
looking forward to the 19th one
oh man do i sound sulky
hahas im not! im just waiting for the right one to appear!
XD

the 'wushu' outing was fine
pool was ok today
hehe
went shopping with sp khor yy and darren at bugis
seriously now i uds what they meant abt hw different guys and girls are at shopping
see look try one then buy immediately
wa really first time i see ppl shop lik that
me and ong will always walk one big round den decide
omg la cui der
hahas but nvm im happy with my shopping skills

im so tired but happy
cus noe why
im finally so over with it!
yay
happy chinese new year!

michelle's whole new story

i ache all over
my hand feel so weak from ytd bbq fire fanning
omg >.< so noob
its only the 3rd week of sch
but it feels like 3 months for me
so many things happened
my MOF, all those wushu performances, wushu farewell and wushu CIP!! wooh
that one gt the best sense of achievement der!

but im starting to feel drained out
am i?
see i'm not even sure

i wanna tok abt wushu CIP
the children are so innocent
they made me start to love kids^^
and i'm so happy when i see how my frens treat them! just like father/mother and son
hmm esp like how zhaojie did
oh ya, and yongyuan too! XD
hahas so proud of them! =D

and there is this little boy called wei jie
he's my fav
really he has a kind of selfless attitude
he took everything so seriously and handle all his small lanterns with so much care
he is humble and happy
not that kind of happy when he will go all high and run around
that kind of happiness that he won't over show it
it just shows in his smile
and his smiles are so influencial
i feel so happy when i see him happy:) yay

but in general
though this 3 weeks had been so taxing
i feel very happy
and all of these seems to add more meaning to my life
yay
thankyou to everyone who had made of these a realityXDXD
you can't imagine how grateful and happy i am =D

yesterday was a great day

jacq and I went to the BCA scholarship and career fair
mainly its on civil and environmental engineering
all the scholarship require up to 6yrs bond(overseas) and 4 yrs (local)
w-o-w

there are many scholarships available
but it'll be quite sad if you are stuck with a job you dislike for 6 yrs
miserable

bt anyway
I don't think it'll be that easy to get one
hahas
there are at least 2 thousand student that are much better than you taking the A's
quite a depressing thought
but never mind!
if i tried my best
i shouldn't feel any regrets
right, michelle? right!
hahas
going kuku, talking to myself, but i do that quite a lot >.<
maybe i should include that under "what kind of person am i under the application form for the book price"
jus kidding.
enough of this...
ok next.

after the fair, we went to hougang mall and have some desserts
well i tried black seseame paste
taste gd at first but slowly it starts to get rather sickening
we bid goodbye and i met up with the rest and went to punggol cc for our performance!
yay
=D
so we helped out and prepare
got popcorn and bread and coffee
but i didn't have the appetite cus of the blackish paste
even made some jokes about having black coloured vomit
cool
aww stomach felt quite uneasy
shouldnt have ate but its a good experience:)


luckily i managed to borrowed a set of biaoyanfu from yy
nearly xia si wo when i realised that my set didn't have the pants D:
but i'm touched that shujie even went an extra mile to contact suipeng to see if he could help>.<
hahaha thankyouuu :*
bt i managed to called yy first and luckily he got an extra set! tytyty woah
really feel like one big stone lifted off my chest
ok la not that kua zhang but dunno why i panicked till liddat
shall be calm next time
no, mustn't have a next time! >.<
hahas the set fits and i did better than the previous time
as long got improvement jiu happy liao!
yay hahas

at the end, coach gave me a lift home
bt i decided to drop by at where he is teaching first to lian awhile
^^
the place is near my house
so next time can go there yay XD
happy happy :)

so in conclusion, yesterday was a happy day
so

end of holiday
sad for many
but happy for me
need a stimulus and a conducive environment to start engine
ya u may think i'm sick

sometimes i thought so too
but too bad, that's michelle, can't do much about it

okay =my 2009 holiday reflections=
enjoyment score: 95/100
'meaningful-ness' score: 100/100
academic-wise score: 45/100
physical work-out score: 78/100

enjoyment score is largely boosted by the following but nt limited to:
1)all outings with ongong
2)all operation saggy
3)the 2 gatherings with 403
4)0309 class chalet
5)Paris
6)family outings
7)sisters lunch >.<
8)Wushu countdown
9)clique stay-over
10)Avatar new moon BandA and many mr :D

meaningful-ness score is full marks thanks to:
1) p-a-r-i-s trip
2) large improvement in house-keeping skills
3) understanding of basic body language
4) understanding about how different males are from females
and many more values gained

academic... >.< i din even finished my hwk

physical work-out largely due to housework....

haha in general
this is one of the best holiday i have ever had

at times
things just made me ponder about the meaning and fairness in life

fairness
on a very basic level from a normal and sulky teen point of view
one side of me find it really unfair that some ppl are just born richer than others
they do have more opportunities to maximise their potential with all those extra classes and etc
well with money
almost everything can be done easily for them
isn't it?

haha funny

but the other side of me will counter this view
everything is largely dependent on yourself
not an external factor = money in this instance
you can be damm rich
but if you just don't have the drive to stretch yourself and step out of your comfort zone
no amount of money can help you
agree?
and i feel that ,from experience
not being rich or well off will help to develop such drive
cause we are mostly near the edge of our comfort zones, we have the drive to constantly step out of it and work harder
isn't that so?

the principle that applies here is that
not having something, makes you want to work for it, and so at the same time, gain more than what that thing gives you=experience and passion
well thats a rather simple theory that applies to almost everything in life
okay i shall give an eg
you really want a laptop (for practical use)
if you're born rich (luckily or unluckily)
you'll get it easily enough most probably, and in a few days?
but if you are not and of below average
you'll have to take up a job and work hard for it
maybe you'll take 2 months or more?
at the end of the day
surely in both cases you'll get what you want(laptop)
but the journey taken and the actual value of the laptop is very very different
something that is exchanged with your few months of hard work and sacrifice
and which allowed you to make more friends along the way
and at the same time gain so much more knowledge about the society and understand the difficulty of earning and the importance of saving
will certainly makes your bought laptop worth more than the $1300+ you've paid for it
i hope i make sense to you
because it's really important to make wise decisions
and decide what life you want to lead
and to control your fate, not letting it control you

hope this helps

^^0309 class chalet is really wonderful for me even though i must agree that we din do much
everybody is just great and the environment is good (even though we are just beside the old hospital) i like the relaxed atmosphere
you know the slow paced life
of not rushing here and there and missing out the details in life
which are insignificant to us but actually matters alot

i rate 3..5to4 stars :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

once you missed that opportunity
once you had let it down
once you neglected it
that door will just close slowly
in the future
even if it does opens itself to you
it will not be the same anymore
it won't be filled with that same old feelings
it will just be a small crack to remind you of the past that you'll regret

opportunities they are there
but don't missed it
because they won't be a second chance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

first impressions?
or i should say surface impressions
they matters
people will judge you by them
but those good impressions will just shatter when you decided to know more about him
never judge a book by its cover
no not only the cover,
i should change the phrase to don't judge a book by its cover and its synopsis
haha
you have to read the entire book to determine if its a good one
we people are like books
haha

*everything that i've said its just my opinions, its not absolute. i hope you're matured enough to understand that i didn't mean such cases are true in all situations and at all time* nth personal too

a brand new year, a brand new start

forget the troubles from 2009 and treasure lessons from 2009

hais >< mum's gone to china
left the 3 of us at home
soon will be jus me when sch starts for the 2

it's okay

"loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunset and make night air smells better"

by Henry Rollins

haha so random

no la

finally i'll have some peace

so that i can finish what im suppose to do

sandy's throwing a tantrum

cause dad banned her from the computer

hais

face black black for the entire day

always like that

hais

me and angee cooked lunch for ourselves

it's nothing great actually,

we just heated up ytd's curry and cooked rice

yum

i cleaned my room today

breathed in at least a bag of dust

no im exagerating

but now i still feel breathless

like gt alot dust stuck in my windpipe

it's nt my room dirty

its the haven-touched-for-many-years-bookshelf that's so darn dusty

i'm planning to get organised for the new year

so i've successfully cut and grouped my few months old newspaper articles tgh

yay

so proud of myself hoho

this feels so much better than slacking

whhoots

for the rest of the holidays will be outings 排满满

shuang der

till now i can confidently announced that my holiday will be ending with a boom

nothing much for me to complain of :)

10 days of beautiful paris

decoration of room in prep of a levels

enjoying a few weeks of fun with 表姐

lots of food fun and laughter

bbq with bobo and friends

developed a darn-organised room

seeing doc with suandi

fabulous count down

with mesmerising firework up-close

hours of learning abt pool

adopted a pool-carrot

staying over

outings

chalets

cooking and house-working skills development

*don't laugh ok, got hear b4 进的了厨房，出得了天堂

hahaha

yay

even though it's a little late

i still want to say happy two-one-zero-one!

happy 2010 everyone
even though i think it'll be a wonderful year and everything

i hate it when i don't understand things
it bugs me

when this happens my female brain will start thinking of thousands of possibility of what wrong i've unconciously done to make someone feels bad
and this makes me feel as unhappy too

some people tends to hide their feelings
especially males
even till now, when the caveman age is long over
males still think they are superior
oh yes, physically
but mentally wise, i think not always so
males dun like to show their emotions
they dunwan to be seen as a softie

accordin to a bk
"the emotionless mask that men use allows them to feel in control of the situation"
ya feel*
=.=

a female uses a daily maximum of over 20,000 communication units, (facial expression and other emotional expressions)
while a man daily average only adds up to 7,000 communication units

then how can i know what you are thinking
why you are angry or upset
gaixiao la
wad the hell
okok relaxx... -.- whhooo *shen hu xi*

okay not my problem,
im just angry over a common problem that exist btw males and females.
really am i?
im confused now
hey ahjune hi-5
we can form the confused cousin-pair
woohoo

ever since ytd at jolyn's house, i've been zi-highing all the while
i hope this energy can last
but AJ's gonna kill it anyway sooner or later
nvm...

lalala
my 3 new year resolution~ they are great! aha aha y-a-y
1. (ok this is serious) i-want-to-get-an-overseas-scholarship
2. ^^ i-want-to-be-happy-tgh-with-my-family
3. *.* i-will-not-act-like-an-idiot-infront-of-anybody-again

2010- a year michelle is going to emerge as a stronger and more capable woman